The Mystery of the Well- Behaved Toddler at the Grocery Store
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In the name of cereal!
Reaching out of the cart for it, climbing shelves for it, screaming, whining, crying, running…
You know the cereal aisle is always a tough one. Then there’s the chips aisle, the snack aisle, and don’t even get me started on the seasonal/ candy aisle. Not to mention the various treats conveniently placed throughout the store in easy-to-reach places for your little one (this is absolutely done intentional and they should be ashamed of themselves). And you’re a busy parent that just wants to grab the stuff and get out without arguing, compromising, yelling, threatening, or any other means you resort to just to survive your child’s challenging behaviors and stares from strangers..
I know there are plenty of other behaviors your child may engage in that are not listed above; but fear not, I’ve got some tips to help with all of them!
The behavioral strategy in play here is to teach an appropriate replacement behavior for inappropriate behavior. A lot of parents often tell their child what not to do, but forget the essential step of teaching them what to do instead! If you don’t tell them what they should be doing, they’re left guessing, which can lead to more challenging behavior: being silly and not listening, throwing things, trying to fall out of the cart, trying to stand on the cart- you know what I mean.
Step 1: Make a Plan
You know your child better than anyone and you know what they consistently ask for while at the grocery store (besides the random things that catch their eye). If you already have those things or something similar to them at home, set 1-2 of them aside for your child to earn for engaging in appropriate behavior at the grocery store.
Step 2: Set Your Expectations
I know this isn’t a grocery store, but she’s so darn cute!
Before leaving the house and then again when you park at the grocery store, pick 2-3 specific behaviors you want your child to engage in while you are at the store (e.g., sitting in the cart, hands in their lap, talking in a normal voice (instead of whining), helping you put things in the cart, etc.). Only pick one super simple behavior if they’re really young- around 2 yrs. old. As I said, you know your child best and will know what is reasonable to ask of them.
Use clear, easy to understand words to explain what you need them to do
Show them what it looks like
Have them practice it until they have it down
Explain that you have special snacks for them to choose from when you get home if they can do the things you practiced
Pro tip: Have them earn it by engaging in the behavior a specific amount of times or for a specific amount of time. Just remember to be fair, you have to hold up your end of the bargain and provide the snack if they meet the criterion you agreed on- even if they slip up. You can always increase the criterion the next time you go and work on decreasing the inappropriate slowly. Rome wasn’t built in a day. ;)
Step 3: Reinforce Appropriate Behavior!
Make it your sole mission to catch your child engaging in the appropriate behavior you talked about and practiced. You should be watching your child C O N S T A N T L Y while shopping and make sure to reinforce their appropriate behavior. How do you reinforce it? Excellent question.
Behavioral
Break-Down:
Behavior analysts define reinforcement as the addition or removal of a stimulus that is followed by an increase in behavior.
In laymen’s terms- you need to either remove or provide something to reinforce a behavior. The behavior is only considered “reinforced” if it increases in frequency or intensity.
So if you want your child to engage in the appropriate behavior more often, you need to apply or remove something and see if it works. This one’s actually pretty simple for most kids- your attention! Most kids are suckers for attention: praise, silly songs, tickles, hugs, high fives, and the list truly goes on and on.
Try providing your child with *quality* attention when you catch them engaging in the appropriate behavior you talked about. You know what I mean by quality- none of that half-paying-attention “good job.” Make it count!
This is an example of a behavioral strategy (with individualized modification choices) you can use to start your journey to more peaceful shopping experiences.
Behavioral strategies for responding to your child’s challenging behaviors while at the grocery store require more in-depth analysis, so you can check out this YouTube series on it for more information.
I’d love to hear how this worked for you or if you have any questions in the comments below!
— Tania Henderson, MS, BCBA, LBA-VA
